Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
