sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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