my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
