11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
