i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
