first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
