I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
