Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My vagina is officially offended.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
