this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
