So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
