I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
