He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
