Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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