She's like a pop up book from hell.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
