I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
