Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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