seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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