we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He has the fingertips of a God
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