she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
