both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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