Your mouth is God's brothel.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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