if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
