it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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