People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
