she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
