new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
