Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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