im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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