I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
