can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
