I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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