do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
