If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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