matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
