Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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