We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
