did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
