i just google imaged poop.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
