Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize