Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
