i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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