I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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