I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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