I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
