glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
