i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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