so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
