Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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