in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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