Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
