so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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