Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
