whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
