A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
