I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish there were birth control emojis
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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