Whod you bang
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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