my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
